Sunday, August 10, 2014

I need you for a second...

Even though the boys are now 3 and 5, one or both of them often wakes up in the night for one reason or another. I don't always react very kindly to being woken up for what seem like trivial reasons, but I guess tonight my pregnancy hormones gifted me a wave of nostalgia and motherly instinct. In the past week, Taylor (3) has been waking up sometime between 1 and 3 am, and wandering down the dark hallway to stand by my bedside. Tonight when that happened, and I asked him what he needed, he said in the softest, sweetest, saddest little voice (the one you don't hear in the daytime anymore, the one you want to record and save forever, the one you can't say no to) "I need you for a second". In my half-asleep state, I asked "huh?" and he said again, "I need you for a second...I can't find my whale". Ah, it all made sense now. The stuffed whale he had been snuggling with tonight, just as was the case with the stuffed elephant he had been sleeping with a few nights ago.

Of course a part of me is thinking "I don't want to get out of bed for this, I'm so tired". But another part of me - and I'm going to let this part be bigger right now - thought something like "He needs me. And I can fix this. He won't be my baby much longer, and I'll miss this someday".  And so I got out of bed in the middle of the night to search his dark room for the missing stuffed animal, which consequently I found laying on his bed already, to give comfort to this precious little boy who still needs me sometimes. He went right back to sleep, but I couldn't.

I couldn't stop thinking about how in just a few weeks (or less?), we'll have a new baby in the house. One who in no uncertain terms will need me...all the time. I remember how much bigger Chase looked to me once we brought tiny Taylor home, even though Chase was only 21 months old. I also remember, with sadness, how many times I pushed Chase to be a "big boy" because I only had two hands and couldn't help him with everything anymore. (Although Chase didn't really need much pushing on that...he's always been very independent.)  And of course the same thing is already happening to Taylor, even though he is much older than Chase was. Taylor has always been more of a snuggler, but there hasn't always been room on my lap for him lately, and I haven't been able to give him a "ride" up the stairs to bed. He always says "when the baby pops out, then you can". Being a big brother is a wonderful thing though, and I am excited he'll have the chance.

But this is a little boy who still reaches up to hold my hand as we walk through a crowded store, and I love it. I love that he still wants to hold my hand sometimes. Because someday he won't. I love that he still wants to sit on my lap to read a book, even though it can't be comfortable with my big belly in the way. And I love that he still needs me, even if it's just to find a lost stuffed animal in the middle of the night. Even if most of the day I hear "I can do it myself, Mom". Because I hear those words with pride too, and lots of times even with relief. It's been great to watch the boys grow more independent and be able to do so much for themselves, but it still tugs at the heartstrings to be needed. As their Mom. As the one who can make it all right.

I know that someday, the I need you's won't come anymore; at least not verbally. Not so simply and sincerely, with complete faith that I can fix it for him. And I know that someday, the things he may need help with (whether he wants that help from me or not) won't be so simple to fix. But I know that as his mom, my heart will always want to be there to help him. Even in the middle of the night. Even when he doesn't ask me to. And so for now, I'll roll out of bed and find that missing whale, so that he knows his mom will do that for him. Because I love him, and I want him to always know that. And I hope that I can remember that feeling when there's a new baby in our home, and when I'm even more tired than I am right now, and when I'm "needed" so much that I just want a break. Because one day, and I'm sure it will come way too day, it will really feel like he needed me for only a second. And I'll miss these days.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Handsome Rosen Boys

My talented brother Owen took these amazing pictures the day before Thanksgiving at Draper Park, a few minutes from our house. I love them! The boys are so photogenic, if I do say so myself...:) Chase self-posed and looks so grown up and sweet. Taylor is so handsome and playful. I love the one with Chase's arm around his little brother, too. These are definitely going in frames on the wall!

Monday, October 14, 2013

our sweet boys

I've been furloughed for a week now, which means I've been blessed to spend every day at home with the boys. I absolutely love having so much time with them! Of course they are both very skilled at pulling major attitude with me when they don't get their way, but I'm continually amazed at what wonderful brothers they are to each other. I really could just sit back and listen to them play together for hours, it is so fun. They require very little refereeing.

One of my favorite times of day is their evening bath, when I get to sit and listen to the fun games they come up with. Taylor has a very active imagination and loves to role play. Most of the day he is pretending to be one character or another, and don't even think about getting him to respond to you if you don't call him by his character's name (like Peter Pan, or the Hulk, of Daddy, or Phineas, or "baby", etc). He acts things out in great detail, explaining his little world to us as he goes, and it is very entertaining.

Chase comes up with all sorts of games and then instructs Taylor on what he needs to do. He might sound a little bossy to my ears, but Taylor loves to follow along.  He is such a good big brother. He likes to be the one to put Taylor down for naptime: he helps him pick out a pull-up, rocks him in the rocking chair while singing Rock A Bye Baby, and then tucks him in and kisses his's beyond sweet. The other day Taylor decided to get ready for a nap on his own, so he went in and rocked in the chair by himself, singing that song to himself as well! I was in the other room listening and laughing:) Chase is also always teaching Taylor about the things he learns or knows, in a very matter-of-fact, but motherly tone, and Taylor is very accepting of these teaching moments. They were watching a cartoon the other day that asked "who is your best friend?" and Chase immediately said Taylor, and it could not be more true. And seeing them be so close could not make me happier, I pray that they will always look out for each other in the way that they do now, what a blessing that would be.

I also love how much they enjoy singing. Songs will come on the radio that I don't even think they know, and there they are in the backseat, singing along. It cracks me up.  They have so much energy, and think everything is so much fun. Just heading to the park gets them so excited, and I love to be able to take advantage of the beautiful Fall weather to do that right now, without feeling so rushed. I've realized recently that too often I rush them when I don't really need to, and I want to make more of an effort to let them be kids as much as possible. There's always so much to get done, but when they have the time to just play, we are all the happiest, and I get to see their bright, innocent minds work. I don't know how many more days I will get until it's back to work for me, but I'm grateful for the time I have, to turn our moments into memories.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Chase turns four

Chase had a great birthday weekend, with tons of celebrating. He was spotlighted at school on thursday, which Brett and I got to go watch. He had a party with a few of his friends on Saturday which started with presents, cake, and ice cream at our house, and then the fun moved to Jungle Jim's Playland where they had a blast on all the rides.  Grandma and Grandpa Kent sent him a new Woody (from Toy Story) t-shirt and matching cowboy boots to go with his cowboy hat, so that's what he wore for his birthday to match the theme of the party.  After the party we went to Red Robin, where the waitress treated him to a special birthday dessert.  On Sunday he had a birthday dinner at Grandma and Grandpa Rosen's.  On his actual birthday (Monday) we took him to dinner at Brick Oven Pizza and then miniature golfing for the first time.  That was cut a little short because Taylor fell and needed stitches on his chin, but the birthday boy was a wonderful big brother and didn't complain at all about the detour to Urgent Care! We finally made it home for the presents from Mom and Dad, the star of which was a new bike with training wheels. It was quite the celebration for a 4 year old:)

Chase is about to start his third season of soccer. He is learning to read, and goes to preschool twice a week. He is always singing and dancing and telling stories. He has an impressive vocabulary of words that seem too large for a 4 year old. He has given a talk in Primary and born his testimony all by himself in Sacrament meeting, and he loves to do acts of service for his family around the house. Chase is a big helper to his parents and a great big brother to Taylor. I love to watch them play together. He finds joy in everything in life, no matter how small. I love his hugs and smiles so much, he is such a special little boy. I can't believe how fast he is growing up, and I'm so excited to watch him as he experiences life.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Taylor turns two

"I do it!" That's Taylor's favorite phrase these days. He still wants to do everything Chase is doing, but he doesn't want my help doing it! Such an independent kid, he not only has to pick out his own clothes and dress himself, but I'm not even allowed to open his dresser drawers for him. If I do, he closes them so he can reopen them himself! He is quite the little daredevil and pretty acrobatic with his stunts. He is talking a lot now, using tons of phrases and short sentences, especially since he parrots everything anyone else says. He is very happy and sweet, always up for a snuggle or a laugh. He sleeps great at night, usually going to bed at 6:45 and waking up around 7:15. He is always hungry and has jumped up to the 10th percentile in weight (7% increase from his last checkup!) and the 25th in height. He loves to color, and the other day I heard him singing along with Taylor Swift in the car. He likes Mickey, Elmo, and Bubble Guppies. He prefers to wear button up shirts and joke. He loves to put on Chase's underwear and sit on the potty but that's as far as it goes and I'm in no rush. He insists on reading his own books at bedtime, declaring "mine!" and pushing me aside if I try to read along with him or look at his books. Instead, he gives me my own book to read and we do it simultaneously. He says goodbye to everyone and everything by name, from his friends at daycare to the apples sitting in the garage. He loves to talk on the phone to his grandparents too. He had a fun birthday party and got a new kitchen set to make us pizza and cookies. He wasn't happy that he couldn't touch the cake while we sang to him, but after the singing was done he was super happy. We sure love this little guy and all the joy he brings into our home everyday!

Monday, July 30, 2012

Taylor-18 months

Is my baby really 18 months old? How did that happen! First, the stats: 21 pounds 3 ounces (3rd percentile) and 32.5 inches (58th percentile).  So he IS growing, believe it or not.  He's still wearing 12 month pants (not surprising since Chase is still in 18 month pants!) but he has moved into the 18 month shirts at least.  This kid is a good eater.  He'll eat anything we put in front of him, and he drinks constantly.  He's always walking around with his sippy cup tucked under his arm like a football and when he runs out he either walks over to the water dispenser in the fridge and holds his cup up for help, or gets a new cup out of his drawer and brings it to us.  He is a very messy eater, one of the worst I've ever seen.  Somehow his dinner ends up covering him from head to toe plus a 3 foot radius on the floor, not to mention cracks and crevices on the chairs and table.  The kicker is, he absolutely has to feed himself.  Even if it's a big piece of cheesecake that should really have adult assistance...he won't take a bite unless it's off his own fork.  He does like to clean though, especially vacuum.  He'll turn anything into a vacuum and follow me around the house with it.  He also loves the water.  While Chase was screaming his head off during his swimming lesson, Taylor was diving in on his own.  This kid has no fear, and he's a good climber, so that's a scary combination.  It's like we have instant replay in our house.  Anything that Chase does, Taylor repeats verbatim on a one second delay.  Of course Chase knows this, and takes full advantage sometimes, instructing Taylor to do something he knows is against the rules.;)  It has it's up-side too though.  Taylor started nursery (the kids class at church) two weeks ago and had zero issues, because of course his big brother was there.  I knew I could count on Chase to take good care of him and give me a full report when I pick them up at the end.  Plus, it's a room full of toys and kids, and Taylor is nothing if not social, so what's not to love!  He's a very animated talker and loves to wave and smile, but I don't think any of his words are discernible to the untrained ear just yet.  I think he says Chase, Jesus, shoes, bye-bye, and maybe a few others but you definitely have to hear it in context to understand.  He loves to run around outside and dig in the dirt.  He also thinks it's funny when he bites or hits, which I know is a trademark stage for this age, unfortunately.  Right now he sleeps about 13 hours at night (7pm bedtime), almost never waking up, and usually a 2 hour nap in the afternoon.  He still takes a bottle of milk before bed so I guess that's the one thing we'll have to break him of soon, but I don't think it will be hard.  He is so happy and just lays right down in the crib without a problem.  If he's not ready to sleep, he'll just talk for a while, with maybe a short little cry once in a while.  So amazing, considering how he never slept more than an hour stretch at a time until about 7 or 8 months ago!  He is such a good snuggler, and I love just sitting with him on my lap when he's in the mood to be still, although most of the time he's moving nonstop.  This little boy is such a joy, and although I still haven't forgotten how hard his infancy was, I feel so blessed to have him in our family.

My Sweet Chase

Chase and I really went the rounds last week.  He was in one of those awful phases where he'd melt down for me on the drive home each afternoon and the madness didn't stop until bedtime.  It's those moments where I'm the one acting more like a three year old than him, in response to his behavior, that I feel like a total failure of a mother and I have to spend some quality time praying for patience and wisdom and oh yeah, forgiveness.  Because like the poignant quote I saw today, they way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice.  And that's both beautiful and haunting.  But today, we were perfect.  He was so well behaved at the doctor's office, helped me make dinner, played kindly with his little brother, and then came the best part...during the bedtime snuggle.  As we were laying there he softly whispered, "I love you so much mommy", and my heart just smiled.  When it was time for me to leave he asked if he could sing me a song first.  Maybe it was just a clever stall tactic, but as that tender little voice sang "You Are My Sunshine" to me I couldn't have possibly been any happier in that moment.  And those are the moments I hope he'll remember, because they are certainly the ones I'll never forget.